Maui and Lincoln, Nebraska have very little in common. I will admit they both are easy to find your way around, they both have small airports, and you don’t have to drive far to see a cow. Really.
Maui seems like a world away from Lincoln. In mid-December the temperatures are in the 80s, the water is warm, and the breeze smells like flowers and pineapple.
It was on a whim that we hit the Purchase button and decided to join our friends the Blomes on a trip to Maui. We went through Expedia and the package deal was just too good to pass up. We would have been fools to turn it down. Really.
But Rick and I never travel. If we do, we only drive about one state away. So it was pretty exciting to think that we would travel across an ocean to visit somewhere we had never dreamed of going before.
We managed to pack all the necessities, including two bottles of Dramamine, and didn’t get kicked off the plane for packing anything that violated airline regulations. There’s always that last minute panic if your little bottle of hand sanitizer is going to get you stuck in the body search line. Todd drove like a bat out of hell to make it to the airport before we left, and we were cutting it pretty close to the check in time. But neither of the guys was worried about the time. Typical men.
I was a little worried about the flight from Dallas to Maui. They delayed the plane about 30 to 45 minutes at the loading dock while a mechanic fixed a faulty switch that was causing the left engine not to switch on. I said a couple of quick prayers that the switch was working, because I was pretty sure we were going to need the left engine the next eight and a half hours.
But once we got off the plane, we could tell we had left winter behind us. The wind was heavy, but it was warm. We kept asking ourselves, “Can you believe we are really doing this?”
We stayed at a really nice hotel, the Fairmont Kea Lana, which was completely open air and had its own beach area. Not only was the air warm, so were the people. The staff says “aloha” every time they see guests. Even up until the last day of our vacation I kept forgetting to say aloha whenever one of the hotel staff greeted me. Like a dork, I would say hello, and then aloha. Clearly I am not meant for international relations. (Yes, I know, Maui is not international. It is part of the 50 states. I get that.)
Some of the major highlights of our trip included a whale watching boat ride out on the ocean. We saw a mother whale and her baby. The whales come to the islands to have their babies at this time of year, but December is still pretty early in the season. They even put a microphone in the water so we could hear the whale calls under water. Pretty cool. We went to a Luau. The entertainment was great. The hula dancers (guys and girls) were spectacular, especially the fire dancer who only caught his costume on fire once. The dude actually laid the flaming baton on his upturned feet. Yikes. We stayed away from the Poi, but enjoyed the roast pig that they just dug up out of the fire pit. The luau was everything I expected, from the leis and grass skirts, to the pina coladas and men in, well, Hawaiian shirts.
Thanks to Melissa and Todd’s recommendations, we ate at some awesome restaurants while on the island. We went to Mama’s Fish House, which is visited by a number of celebrities, and is beautifully located right on the ocean. The fish is caught fresh every day and the fishermen just pull their boats right up to the restaurant’s dock. In fact, the name of the fishermen who catch the fish and the name of their boats are written on the menu each day. The fish was fantastic, but we wished that it hadn’t been raining so we could have gone out to the beach and enjoyed the view.
While Mama’s Fish House was impressive, it wasn’t as impressive as Nick’s Fish House. (Imagine that, another house of fish. Must be an island.) As soon as we went to our table, six staff descended upon our table, pulling out chairs and placing napkins on our laps. The minute we took a drink of water, someone refilled the glass. The boys really enjoyed messing with the wait staff, of course. The waiters artfully replaced our bread basket when it was empty without us even realizing it. They also straightened our silverware for us and swept the table with a little crumb catcher before dessert. Our waiter had an artful way of one-handedly tipping a beer glass with the bottle as he slowly filled the glass without foam. He did this artfully until Todd and Rick distracted him by asking him about his girlfriend there on the island. Of course, Rick’s reward was a glass full of foam, so he got what was coming to him.
And we ordered our fair share of drinks at the Fairmont. We ordered fancy drinks at the lounge overlooking the ocean. We ordered fancy drinks at the restaurants. We ordered fancy drinks at the pool. Almost all the drinks came with a big wedge of pineapple, an umbrella, and a flower floating on top. In Maui, it is OK for manly men to order girly drinks. They just have to remember to keep their pinkies down while drinking them.
Another highlight of the trip was the Road to Hana. It’s a treacherous 52 miles (most of which is one lane) with 617 curves (about half of which are blind curves), and 56 bridges (generally one lane). We traveled through a little town, which was obviously the marijuana capital of the Hawaiian Islands. There was no trouble telling which people there were the tourists and who were the residents. They dressed like surfers or like homeless people and looked as if they had something questionable they would be willing to sell you, if you had a few extra dollars to spare.
The drive was well worth the trip. It circled around the island and the views were spectacular. We stopped along the way to see the black sand beaches. That’s when, of course, Todd would stop. He has a tendency to slow down the car, and say, yep that’s nice. Then keep on driving. Unless, of course, there were cute, bikinied young tourists who needed help taking their pictures. Then he was able to slam on the brakes for the smallest of roadside waterfalls.
Of course the road beyond Hana quickly deteriorated to nothing more than a dirt cattle road with a little asphalt here and there. That’s what they don’t tell you. There were lots of straight drop-offs and blind curves. We met several “cowboys” out checking their cattle. It’s hard to call a guy with flip flops and Hawaiian shirt a cowboy. The road more or less went right around the mountain through their pasture. And of course we couldn’t go back the way we came. This was “shorter.” Really.
Memorable quotes from the Hana drive:
“There is no compass in a Jeep Compass.”
“After four or five beers I can just feel the road . . . just like speed racer.” (He actually didn’t have any beers. He was just trying to scare me.)
“There are seven sacred pools. That means virgins. We’re in.”
Favorite sign of the trip:
“Permits for medical marijuana and BBQ”
Todd really enjoyed driving this road, knowing full well that I am deathly afraid of heights. I don’t know how many times I heard, “Oh, Cindy, look at that view,” just to open my eyes to look over a straight drop off into the ocean. Todd is such a caring and conscientious guide. He made sure I didn’t miss any of the fantastic views. Really.
Speaking of heights, our helicopter tour of the island was canceled because of clouds and high winds. Evidently they’ve had some fatal crashes in the near past and don’t want to risk it. Oh shucks. When you put it that way… I’ve never been so relieved in my entire life.
The clouds and high winds were part of a front that went through when we were there, bringing a day or two of rain to the entire island. I guess that parts of the island hadn’t seen rain for months. Lucky us that we were able to bring it with us. But the rain really didn’t dampen our fun.
Another event we missed was a trip to the nude beach. Todd insisted we visit this beach. I, however, insisted that that is one sight a person cannot just unsee. It’s like seeing your dad in his underwear. It burns its image permanently on your brain. I do not need any images of 80-somethings completely commando. I saw enough 70- and 80-year-olds hanging out of their bikinis and speedos to last a lifetime.
The one thing I regret is that we didn’t spend more time just sitting by the ocean. The sand on the beach is so soft and fine. It is not course like the sand in Nebraska. It would be nice to spend more time in the ocean and the clear water.
Rick and Todd went kayaking on the ocean and Rick said they saw a group of sea turtles poking their heads out of the water. They were so close to the turtles he could have stuck out his hand and touched one. That was Rick’s highlight of the kayak excursion. Todd’s highlight was the bikini girl who gave them their lesson and sent them out on the trip. Todd, he can always appreciate a nice bikini.
Evidently he wasn’t the only one. Rick said there was an older couple sitting in chairs right next to the kayak path between the beach and the ocean. The woman had a huge stack of books she was earnestly reading. Rick said the man had nothing. He was just sitting there -- with a big smile on his face -- watching the bikini kayak instructor run back and forth across the beach sending the kayakers out on their way. This, I’m sure, is a future glimpse into Todd and Melissa’s vacation in 20 years.
The next time we go to Maui, we plan to take our kids. Everywhere we went, we caught ourselves saying “Mandy would love this.” Or, “Joe would be in heaven here.” Yes, Joe could spend an endless amount of time digging complex sand castles with irrigation cannels and roadway systems. He could also spend an endless amount of time just splashing in the waves or riding in the kayaks. Mandy, on the other hand, would prefer the pools. She would love how the waiters come running with fancy fruited drinks, and just charge it to her dad’s room.
She would, however, be very disappointed that there are very few teenage boys at the hotel. A few were setting up chairs on the beach. Unfortunately she would just be stuck hanging out with her family. It was just us, a few families with little kids, and the old people. Lots and lots of old people. Let’s face it, you have to be old to have enough money to afford Maui on a regular basis.
One thing that surprised me was how many non-natives lived and worked in Maui. One of the hotel drivers said that a lot of people move to Maui after they vacation there. They just love the island and don’t want to leave. However, most people who move to Maui don’t stay for even a year. He said that they come to Maui and expect it to be like it was when they were there on vacation – people waiting on them and bringing them beach drinks. When they realize that they still have to do their laundry and mow their yard in Maui, it loses its appeal. Especially when they discover how small the island can really be and how expensive it is.
Our vacation seemed to be over so quickly. We would love to go back and take the kids someday. We loved the scenery, as well as the people we met. There is something about being in such a warm, welcoming place that makes people friendly, as well. Sure, there were some rich jerks. We saw a group of them on our plane, mouthing off to the shuttle driver when we landed. Then there was the mom who talked about sending her kids to the child care at the hotel for the day and then asked her daughter how old she was when the waitress came around to write up their breakfast buffet bill.
But we met some wonderful people. We visited with a lady principal and her husband from California on our whale watching tour. At the luau we enjoyed talking to a single Canadian doctor, originally from South Africa, who takes vacations every three or four months for three or four weeks. His next trip was to Australia. He was very interesting. Then there was the odd mix of people we met at the pool and hot tub after dark. They were from Pennsylvania, Colorado, California, and Canada. Just mention Nebraska and before you know it, the guys are talking Martinez and Burkhead. Imagine that.
Now that we are back in Nebraska, the islands seem out of reach. I would love to go back and spend more time on the beach and take the kids. However, now we need to focus on the holidays. I’ve got the last of the presents to buy and I still haven’t done the Christmas cards.
All I need is a nice photo. I’ve got one of Rick and I by the ocean that could work. Of course, I’ve also got one of the nice bikini kayak instructor. What would Todd do in this situation? I can harbor a guess. Really.
View from the pool
Rick on the boogie board
Pool drinks
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